It’s a silly idea, of course, but it points to the mutilation of cutting away the protective foreskin from the penis.
A wonderful Jewish pediatrician who gave lectures on this subject was eloquently explaining his firm belief that circumcisions on infants should be outlawed. He went on to explain what I’ve been trying to explain. Satisfied his audience appeared to be convinced of his thesis, he would then step all over it by ending his lecture: “Of course, the penis does look better when it’s circumcised.”
Save me. Just save me. What he neglected to say was that an erect penis appears to be circumcised. That’s one true story. Here’s another:
Four of us were playing a game called Probe. It was played with small letter-cards of choice placed in racks facing each of four persons who had chosen words for others to guess. That’s all the information necessary to get to the punch line.
We could not guess our host’s word, the penalty of which was having to draw more letter cards - you get the idea. At last, we gave up.
With great fanfare, said host - his name was Danny - with sober mein, turned the rack around so we could see the word: Smegma. Two of us shook our heads and rolled our eyes.
Danny’s wife Christy snapped, “Smegma?” With notable ire, she repeated, “Smegma?” To her husband: “Danny! You made that up,” she accused while the rest of us looked at her as if she’d gone barmy.
A hullabaloo followed, four people talking over one another. Not trusting the two men, Christy turned to the only other woman: “Okay! What is smegma, if you’re so smart?”
“It’s a detergent cheesy substance found in genitalia,” I responded, thinking who doesn’t know that?
Tone flat, Christy said, “I’ll look it up,” as she stood and swept eyes over her companions in unmistakable contempt. She just missed saying, “Harrumph!”
At the dictionary stand, she searched for smegma. Finding it - surprise! - she read aloud, “A detergent cheesy substance . . .” Subdued by a silly word that sounded like it might be Urdu, she returned to her place with a huff.
Danny stated, “Only males have smegma.”
Without pausing to wonder if more funnies were about to erupt, I instructed, “No, Danny. Females have smegma.” After more disagreement from my host, I challenged: “If females don’t have smegma, what DO they have?”
“VULVEETA!” he cried, triumphant and oh-so-smug. His laughter bordered on hysteria, but only two of us joined in. Christy continued miffed.
Vulveeta continues to my favorite pun - it was genius. How long he’d been preparing for this bit of theater, I have no idea and never asked. I never asked because the question would have delighted him and offered more opportunity for his nonsense.
And speaking about the vulva, let us have another moment of silence while we ponder the puzzling fact that there are a stunning number of women who refer to the vulva as the vagina, sometimes with cutesy diminutives.
Before continuing, let it be noted that intact males do indeed develop smegma; for health and scent reasons it is necessary to maintain cleanliness. Bathing or showering should keep both genders tidy.
Circumcision is a religious doctrine, not a medical one. The reference most often cited is Genesis 17: 10-14. On those few verses eight-day-old male infants are brutalized. The history of circumcision is not easy to track. So far as I know, it became popular in the US sometime in the late 19th Century, but I’ve not be able - so far - to declare that with anything like absolute certainty. What I can say is that some doctors avowed that removing the foreskin would prevent masturbation. Muddled thinking always causes more problems.
Some years ago, one of my young woman friends was attending night school to earn a BS in Elementary Education. In speech class, she was given a woman partner with whom to debate. This young woman said she had no idea for a subject.
My friend sweetly said, “I do. Circumcision.”
The innocent walked right into it. “I’ll be for it,” she replied.
“Okay,” said my friend, a sweet faced girl, most often referred to as perky - and she is that. And here was Mrs. Perky leading her debate partner into a den of lions.
Mrs. Perky began the debate: “What do Robert Redford, Sean Connery and Elvis Presley have in common?” Then, “They are intact males.” The poor innocent didn’t have a prayer. Everything she said was returned with the most gentle response - you know the sort - that hit like a fast ball.
Mrs. Perky earned a Magna cum Laude. She was philosophical about the award: “After all, it took me twelve years!” She was only able to experience college when she could leave the current baby with his father for a few hours. It will come as no surprise, that her four sons are intact.
If you’re interested in more information and photos of intact males (no, not their crotches) there is - of course - a website.